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4 posters

    Limericks


    Stardust

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Stardust Mon 16 Jan 2017, 11:25

    ...continued...

    The Doctor said: "Take charcoal pills,
    and exercise, walking the hills,
    you'll soon be in the pink
    and no longer will stink.
    Now pay me these two hefty bills'.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Tue 17 Jan 2017, 22:55

    The court jester entertained the crowd
    They loved him and he was very proud
    But the king was mad
    Thought his act was bad
    So he ended up in a filthy shroud.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Honey and Marmite tie the knot

    Post by Stardust Wed 18 Jan 2017, 09:29

    We all know that opposites attract,
    and the unknown appeals, that's a fact,
    so it shouldn't shock
    and we mustn't mock
    when Miss Honey weds Sir Yeast Extract.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Wed 18 Jan 2017, 16:33

    I'm running out, it seems,
    Of ideas, words and themes
    But I'll do my best
    To take care of the rest
    Even only if in my dreams.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Wed 18 Jan 2017, 17:34

    ...
    The Muse has decided to rest
    and not to help out in our quest
    for tales told in rhyme,
    she has not the time.
    We can't do it alone, had you guessed?
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Wed 18 Jan 2017, 21:40

    It's known that the Muse can be fickle
    And send all your nerve ends a-prickle
    You can't force her hand
    Or make a demand
    It's worse than a relentless tickle!
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Thu 19 Jan 2017, 10:08

    ...

    The more you beg her and implore,
    the more all your pleas she'll ignore.
    Put it out of your head,
    do something else instead,
    till the Muse returns just as before.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Thu 19 Jan 2017, 11:46

    Good idea--and thank you for that
    With myself I'll have a good chat
    I'll forget about verse
    Lengthy or terse
    O, I know! I'll go feed the cat!!
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Thu 19 Jan 2017, 19:32

    ...

    The stray cat was watching our Feather,
    well hidden amongst all the heather,
    she knew food would be found
    and left out on the ground
    just for her and whatever the weather.


    PS: the cat (not Feather) was hiding in the heather. yahboocat
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Fri 20 Jan 2017, 18:57

    Old Joe was a miserly moaner,
    shunned company, he was a loner.
    Noone would be so brash
    as to ask him for cash,
    or aught else, he was never a donor.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Thu 02 Feb 2017, 10:58

    An old woman, stunted and bent,
    was poor and could not pay her rent.
    Landlord said: "Have no fear,
    I won't throw you out, dear.
    You can live in my son's old scout tent.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Mon 06 Feb 2017, 15:05

    There was a young man lived in Cork
    who said he'd no longer eat pork.
    "It's unclean", he would say,
    and so now every day
    the silly fool eats ham from York.


    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty St Valentine's Day

    Post by Stardust Tue 14 Feb 2017, 11:07

    "Where are you, my own Valentine?"
    sang Daisy out in the sunshine.
    "I am here and in love"
    said a voice from above
    and the tall sergeant said: "Please be mine'.

    happyheart
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Tue 14 Feb 2017, 15:55

    Daisy refused his request
    For she thought that it would be best
    To shun his advances
    And so take no chances
    For she hated his yellow string vest.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Tue 14 Feb 2017, 17:05

    ...

    The sergeant then threw off his vest
    and showed off his muscles and chest.
    Daisy changed her mind fast,
    she cried out "Yes!" at last
    and they honeymooned in Budapest.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Tue 14 Feb 2017, 22:34

    The honeymoon-it was just great
    Midsummer day was the date
    They made love in the sun
    Had all kinds of fun
    Yet for bedtime they just could not wait!!
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Wed 15 Feb 2017, 07:26

    ...

    Then a Hungarian girl came between,
    such a beauty there never was seen.
    Stole the sergeant away
    in much less than a day;
    Daisy came back home angry and mean.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Thu 16 Feb 2017, 10:36

    She set about getting divorced
    She knew that her hand had been forced
    And plans she was cooking
    She already was looking
    for a second husband of course!!
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Thu 16 Feb 2017, 11:07

    ...

    But none of the lads found her favour,
    for every one was "last month's flavour".
    Daisy gave up on fun,
    became instead a nun.
    Now she's married to her church's saviour.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:17

    Little Lisa was stamping her feet
    cos her Mum wouldn't give her a sweet,
    so she climbed up on a chair
    reached out for a jelly bear,
    but got bruised when she fell off the seat.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Wed 01 Mar 2017, 09:12

    A girl sat alone and forlorn,
    in two her young heart had been torn.
    But then a new neighbour
    gave life back its savour,
    and now their first son has been born.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Sun 05 Mar 2017, 22:12

    The baby was cute and so chubby
    With a face matching that of her hubby
    But into muck it would crawl
    Then blubber and bawl
    When it found itself smelly and grubby.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Mon 06 Mar 2017, 08:19

    In Devon there lived an old toad
    who found a frog hurt in the road.
    He quickly helped up his friend
    but a van came round the bend
    and squashed them both under its load.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:52

    In London John went out to dine,
    drank much of the very best wine,
    but way over the top,
    he knew not when to stop
    and fell "Splash!" into the Serpentine.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:56

    The stallion was not very tame
    He did not respond to his name
    No-one could ride him
    Saddle or guide him
    If they tried, they ended uo lame.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Stardust Sat 11 Mar 2017, 08:17

    Two puppies, by name Flip and Flop,
    were passing outside a toy shop;
    saw a "ball" big and bright,
    but then scampered in fright,
    when the balloon burst with a loud "Pop!".
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Stardust Fri 17 Mar 2017, 16:53

    A small cloud fell right out of the sky,
    cos he'd not yet learned quite how to fly,
    nor yet even to float,
    so he fell on a goat,
    who's all fluffy now and we know why.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Stardust Sun 19 Mar 2017, 11:41

    There was a big man known as Joe,
    who lumbered about, very slow.
    "There's no hurry", he said,
    "we'll be soon enough dead,
    I"m giving my soul time to grow".
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Stardust Thu 01 Jun 2017, 11:50

    A very young computer geek
    sat watching his screen all the week.
    He ate never a crumb

    till his mind became numb
    and his body all flabby and weak.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Squeak !

    Post by Stardust Fri 09 Jun 2017, 20:40

    Paulina and Paulo from Rome
    split up but rowed over their home.
    They each wanted the house,
    then discovered a mouse,
    Paulo's comfy there now all alone.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

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    Post by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 19:35

    Young Sal was too fond of fruit crumble.
    She never spoke, only could mumble,
    cos her mouth overflowed
    with crumble overload
    and her words came out all of a jumble.
    Stardust
    Stardust

    Location : City of Light

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Stardust Fri 20 Oct 2017, 15:45

    On the garden wall, an ugly cat
    glared at neighbours - he hissed and he spat;
    till a cute Siamese
    answered back with a sneeze,
    cat fell down and a car squashed him flat.

    annoyed
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Thu 26 Oct 2017, 09:42

    The old bull was out in all weathers
    Cow Daisy and he not together
    He gave up all hope
    For he just couldn't cope
    And strangled himself with his tether.
    bimbow
    bimbow

    Location : Herts.

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    Post by bimbow Thu 26 Oct 2017, 17:30

    Farewell to an artist whose name
    Is in rock n roll’s hall of fame
    Who once found a thrill
    On Blueberry Hill
    Fats Domino: Ain’t That a Shame.

    ..
     twitmericks
    ..
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Feather Thu 26 Oct 2017, 21:21

    Great limerick and so topical. toast
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Sat 28 Oct 2017, 10:23

    More topical limericks in that link.
    like this one pirat

    The Catalans’ grand referendum
    On powers and how to extendum
    Appeared to annoy
    A chap named Rajoy
    Who’s moving instead to suspendum.
    __________
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-41710873

    or 
    According to minister Grayling
    If EU discussions are failing
    We fall off the edge
    And plant up more veg
    Apparently Brexit’s plain sailing!
    ___________
    https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/oct/15/higher-food-prices-could-be-avoided-if-no-brexit-claims-chris-grayling
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Sat 28 Oct 2017, 11:42

    There was a young lady called Jane
    People said she was a pain
    No-one spoke to her
    Her hygiene was poor
    In fact she smelt like a drain.
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Mon 30 Oct 2017, 21:46

    I need a new door for my hall,
    The replacement I bought was too tall.
    So I hacked it and chopped it,
    And carefully lopped it,
    And now the dumb thing is too small.
    Feather
    Feather

    Location : Scotland

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    Post by Feather Tue 31 Oct 2017, 17:17

    Excellent one, Whiskers. toast
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Thu 02 Nov 2017, 18:42

    Feather wrote:Excellent one, Whiskers. toast


    Nicked it from here Feather pirat   http://pun.me/pages/funny-limericks.php

    Another one from same place -

    An elderly man called Keith,
    Mislaid his set of false teeth.
    They'd been laid on a chair,
    He'd forgot they were there,
    Sat down, and was bitten beneath

    lol!
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Thu 02 Nov 2017, 18:48

    This is fun - Limerick Generator :  https://www.poem-generator.org.uk/limerick/
    bimbow
    bimbow

    Location : Herts.

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by bimbow Sun 12 Nov 2017, 17:30

    The Wheel, the new Shard, and Big Ben,
    Might be landmarks in London's top ten,
    But as an aesthete,
    I say they can't compete,
    With St Paul's by Sir Christopher Wren.
    bimbow
    bimbow

    Location : Herts.

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    Post by bimbow Sun 12 Nov 2017, 17:32

    There once was a person from Lyme
    Who married three wives at a time.
    When asked, "Why a third?"
    He replied, "One's absurd,
    And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Tue 14 Nov 2017, 09:49

    A funny young fellow named Perkins
    Was terribly fond of small gherkins
    One day after tea
    He ate ninety three
    And pickled his internal workings
    bimbow
    bimbow

    Location : Herts.

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    Post by bimbow Wed 22 Nov 2017, 20:18

    There was a young curate at Kew
    Who kept a large cat in a pew,
    Where he taught her each week
    A new letter of Greek,
    But she never got farther than Mu.



    And a rather odd one...


    The limerick, peculiar to English,
    Is a verse that's hard to extinguish.
    Once Congress in session
    Decreed its suppression
    But people got around it by writing the last line without any rhyme or meter.
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:57

    There once was a farmer from Leeds,
    Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
    It soon came to pass,
    He was covered with grass,
    But has all the tomatoes he needs.
    bimbow
    bimbow

    Location : Herts.

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by bimbow Wed 17 Jan 2018, 21:18

    The Normans had no way of showing

    How well England’s conquest was going -

    No press or TV,

    No tweets, no FB –


    So nuns had to get to work sewing.

    toast
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Sat 20 Jan 2018, 15:33

    A wonderful bird is the pelican;
    His beak can hold more than his belican.
    He can hold in his beak
    Enough food for a week,
    Though I’m damned if I know how the helican!

    pirat
    bimbow
    bimbow

    Location : Herts.

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    Post by bimbow Sun 28 Jan 2018, 16:06

    Where once people fought for their bread,
    They riot for hazelnut spread;
    Marie Antoinette
    Might well declare: “Let..
    Them eat peanut butter instead”.


    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/ ... ed-nutella
    bimbow
    bimbow

    Location : Herts.

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    Post by bimbow Thu 08 Feb 2018, 21:22

    Hope this is not a duplicate.

    A young psychic midget named Marge
    Went to jail with the most heinous charge
    But despite lock and key
    The next day she broke free
    And the headlines said "Small Medium at Large".
    Whiskers
    Whiskers

    Limericks - Page 2 Empty Re: Limericks

    Post by Whiskers Sat 11 Jan 2020, 16:40

    Forgot all about the limericks. Lets have some more.
    Heres a goody giggle

    Remember when nearly sixteen,
    On your very first date as a teen.
    At the movies? If yes,
    Then I bet you can't guess,
    What was shown on the cinema screen.

      Current date/time is Tue 19 Mar 2024, 02:09