Limericks

by **Stardust** Fri 06 Jan 2017, 10:39

Stardust

Post n°26

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 06 Jan 2017, 10:39

With a stray dog or cat, we can't tell,
but can guess they were not treated well.
If they're patiently wooed
with soft words, daily food,
they'll adopt you and forget their hell.

by **Feather** Fri 06 Jan 2017, 14:20

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°27

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Fri 06 Jan 2017, 14:20

The cottage was ever so nice
So she bought it at a good price
But lived to regret it
Would never forget it
As it was infested with mice.

by **Stardust** Fri 06 Jan 2017, 15:04

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°28

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 06 Jan 2017, 15:04

A baby boy teething all night,
gave his parents a terrible fright.
For when two teeth peeked out,
Mum and Dad gave a shout,
little Dracula was quite a sight.

by **Feather** Fri 06 Jan 2017, 16:39

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°29

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Fri 06 Jan 2017, 16:39

My dog--she has just been fed
Please notice what I have just said
I'm having my tea
But she's staring at me
And refusing to go to her bed.

by **Stardust** Fri 06 Jan 2017, 18:19

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°30

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 06 Jan 2017, 18:19

An elegant lady from France,
no man could pass without a glance.
Her heels and head high,
proud as she swept by,
till she tripped up and ruined the dance.

by **Feather** Fri 06 Jan 2017, 21:45

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°31

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Fri 06 Jan 2017, 21:45

She tottered away in the huff
All feathers and flounces and fluff
She undressed at speed
Down to the last bead
And cried for an hour in the buff.

by **Stardust** Fri 06 Jan 2017, 22:01

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°32

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 06 Jan 2017, 22:01

...
But Parisian bred from her birth,
stopped her tears, because she knew her worth.
Returned to the ball
and amazed them all,
thus making them swallow their mirth.

by **Feather** Sun 08 Jan 2017, 15:30

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°33

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Sun 08 Jan 2017, 15:30

Margaret, a lady from Leeds,
Was known for her daring deeds
A pumpkin she ate
And caused her own fate
By choking to death on the seeds.

by **Stardust** Sun 08 Jan 2017, 15:56

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°34

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Sun 08 Jan 2017, 15:56

Feather wrote:Margaret, a lady from Leeds,
Was known for her daring deeds
A pumpkin she ate
And caused her own fate
By choking to death on the seeds.

But Heimlich was there, Maggie spat
out pumpkin seeds onto the mat,
so she regained her life,
and became Heimlich's wife.
Now she puts all the seeds in a hat.

by **Feather** Mon 09 Jan 2017, 16:21

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°35

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Mon 09 Jan 2017, 16:21

On an oil rig late last night
Ted was stationed in bright moonlight
But a nut had worked free
Half way down to the sea
And Ted had to screw it in tight
He was lowered right down to the spot
Now,safe he surely was not
For the rope was too thin
So he couldn't begin
To do the work that he ought.
He jiggled and twisted and swayed
Till the rope it loosened and frayed
Poor Ted hit the sea
Shouting "God,save me!"
But nobody noticed he'd prayed.

by **Stardust** Mon 09 Jan 2017, 21:06

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°36

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Mon 09 Jan 2017, 21:06

Feather wrote:On an oil rig late last night
Ted was stationed in bright moonlight
But a nut had worked free
Half way down to the sea
And Ted had to screw it in tight
He was lowered right down to the spot
Now,safe he surely was not
For the rope was too thin
So he couldn't begin
To do the work that he ought.
He jiggled and twisted and swayed
Till the rope it loosened and frayed
Poor Ted hit the sea
Shouting "God,save me!"
But nobody noticed he'd prayed.

Though Ted's shouting fell on deaf ears,
with drowning the worst of his fears,
came into his sight
dolphins in the night
who saved him. He lived on for years.

by **Feather** Mon 09 Jan 2017, 21:35

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°37

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Mon 09 Jan 2017, 21:35

I knew you would save him, Stardust.

Mike was messing around with some ink
Some of it blue, and some pink
He wanted to do
A temporary tattoo
For when he went out for a drink.

by **Stardust** Tue 10 Jan 2017, 09:22

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°38

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Tue 10 Jan 2017, 09:22

Feather wrote:I knew you would save him, Stardust.

Mike was messing around with some ink
Some of it blue, and some pink
He wanted to do
A temporary tattoo
For when he went out for a drink.

But Mike was allergic and so
he came out in spots, don't you know.
Some pink and some blue,
his face swelled up too.
Had to give up the pub, to his woe.

by **Feather** Thu 12 Jan 2017, 23:01

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°39

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Thu 12 Jan 2017, 23:01

The woman just wouldn't give in
She kept on drinking that gin
Till the bottle was done
But the battle she won
For she found a drop more in a tin
She thought she had had that already
When last night she'd had a quick bevvy
But to her delight
There was some for tonight
Now for her warm bed she was ready.

by **Stardust** Fri 13 Jan 2017, 08:41

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°40

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 13 Jan 2017, 08:41

A sprightly girl hailing from Wales
was battling her way through the sales.
She ne'er took a rest,
shoes, clothes, found the best,
but none the right size - how she wails!

by **Feather** Fri 13 Jan 2017, 16:50

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°41

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Fri 13 Jan 2017, 16:50

Dan was feeling poorly and sick
Got a visit from his old pal, Mick
Who gave him some pills
Which got rid of his chills
So now he's in super fine nick.

by **Stardust** Fri 13 Jan 2017, 18:04

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°42

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 13 Jan 2017, 18:04

An arrogant man, name of Tony,
could speak nothing but pure baloney.
Along came a copper
armed with a gob stopper
and shut up the big-mouthed old phoney.

by **Feather** Fri 13 Jan 2017, 22:31

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°43

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Fri 13 Jan 2017, 22:31

In the garden Mary just dug
Hoping to find the old jug
Thrown out by mistake
At her uncle's wake
But all she unearthed was a slug.

by **Stardust** Sat 14 Jan 2017, 08:20

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°44

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Sat 14 Jan 2017, 08:20

One day Charlie got lost in the fog;
he roamed off the path into a bog.
He was starting to sink
when a bark made him blink,
he was saved by a walker with dog.

by **Feather** Sat 14 Jan 2017, 09:45

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°45

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Sat 14 Jan 2017, 09:45

When he was giving his very last "Glug"
The Alsatian gave him a tug
Pulled him free of the mire
And soon by the fire
He gave the good dog a huge hug.

by **Stardust** Sat 14 Jan 2017, 18:46

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°46

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Sat 14 Jan 2017, 18:46

A ruined old man from the glen,
in the mountains fixed up a den,
ran his own B&B,
served up coffee and tea,
now he holds his head high among men.

by **Feather** Sat 14 Jan 2017, 22:09

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°47

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Sat 14 Jan 2017, 22:09

Dennis just could not be fatter
He thought that it didn't matter
But one night at a gig
They were playing a jig
When he burst through the drums with a clatter.

by **Stardust** Sun 15 Jan 2017, 08:27

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°48

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Sun 15 Jan 2017, 08:27

Feather wrote:Dennis just could not be fatter
He thought that it didn't matter
But one night at a gig
They were playing a jig
When he burst through the drums with a clatter.

The drummer was angry and red,
I couldn't repeat what he said!
Because Dennis stuck fast
as his bum was so vast,
had to "wear" the drum even in bed.

by **Stardust** Sun 15 Jan 2017, 17:21

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°49

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Sun 15 Jan 2017, 17:21

Stardust wrote:

Feather wrote:Dennis just could not be fatter
He thought that it didn't matter
But one night at a gig
They were playing a jig
When he burst through the drums with a clatter.

The drummer was angry and red,
I couldn't repeat what he said!
Because Dennis stuck fast
as his bum was so vast,
had to "wear" the drum even in bed.

The drum made him keep rolling out
and Dennis was starting to pout,
so firemen cut him free,
Dennis shouted with glee
and vowed he'd lose weight, without doubt.

by **Feather** Sun 15 Jan 2017, 21:54

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°50

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Sun 15 Jan 2017, 21:54

He decided he'd go on a fast
Thinking that it wouldn't last
But after a week
He started to reek
For his innards were so full of gas!!

by **Stardust** Mon 16 Jan 2017, 11:25

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°51

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Mon 16 Jan 2017, 11:25

...continued...

The Doctor said: "Take charcoal pills,
and exercise, walking the hills,
you'll soon be in the pink
and no longer will stink.
Now pay me these two hefty bills'.

by **Feather** Tue 17 Jan 2017, 22:55

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°52

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Tue 17 Jan 2017, 22:55

The court jester entertained the crowd
They loved him and he was very proud
But the king was mad
Thought his act was bad
So he ended up in a filthy shroud.

by **Stardust** Wed 18 Jan 2017, 09:29

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°53

Honey and Marmite tie the knot

Post by Stardust Wed 18 Jan 2017, 09:29

We all know that opposites attract,
and the unknown appeals, that's a fact,
so it shouldn't shock
and we mustn't mock
when Miss Honey weds Sir Yeast Extract.

by **Feather** Wed 18 Jan 2017, 16:33

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°54

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Wed 18 Jan 2017, 16:33

I'm running out, it seems,
Of ideas, words and themes
But I'll do my best
To take care of the rest
Even only if in my dreams.

by **Stardust** Wed 18 Jan 2017, 17:34

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°55

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Wed 18 Jan 2017, 17:34

...
The Muse has decided to rest
and not to help out in our quest
for tales told in rhyme,
she has not the time.
We can't do it alone, had you guessed?

by **Feather** Wed 18 Jan 2017, 21:40

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°56

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Wed 18 Jan 2017, 21:40

It's known that the Muse can be fickle
And send all your nerve ends a-prickle
You can't force her hand
Or make a demand
It's worse than a relentless tickle!

by **Stardust** Thu 19 Jan 2017, 10:08

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°57

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Thu 19 Jan 2017, 10:08

...

The more you beg her and implore,
the more all your pleas she'll ignore.
Put it out of your head,
do something else instead,
till the Muse returns just as before.

by **Feather** Thu 19 Jan 2017, 11:46

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°58

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Thu 19 Jan 2017, 11:46

Good idea--and thank you for that
With myself I'll have a good chat
I'll forget about verse
Lengthy or terse
O, I know! I'll go feed the cat!!

by **Stardust** Thu 19 Jan 2017, 19:32

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°59

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Thu 19 Jan 2017, 19:32

...

The stray cat was watching our Feather,
well hidden amongst all the heather,
she knew food would be found
and left out on the ground
just for her and whatever the weather.

PS: the cat (not Feather) was hiding in the heather. yahboocat

by **Stardust** Fri 20 Jan 2017, 18:57

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°60

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 20 Jan 2017, 18:57

Old Joe was a miserly moaner,
shunned company, he was a loner.
Noone would be so brash
as to ask him for cash,
or aught else, he was never a donor.

by **Stardust** Thu 02 Feb 2017, 10:58

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°61

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Thu 02 Feb 2017, 10:58

An old woman, stunted and bent,
was poor and could not pay her rent.
Landlord said: "Have no fear,
I won't throw you out, dear.
You can live in my son's old scout tent.

by **Stardust** Mon 06 Feb 2017, 15:05

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°62

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Mon 06 Feb 2017, 15:05

There was a young man lived in Cork
who said he'd no longer eat pork.
"It's unclean", he would say,
and so now every day
the silly fool eats ham from York.

by **Stardust** Tue 14 Feb 2017, 11:07

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°63

St Valentine's Day

Post by Stardust Tue 14 Feb 2017, 11:07

"Where are you, my own Valentine?"
sang Daisy out in the sunshine.
"I am here and in love"
said a voice from above
and the tall sergeant said: "Please be mine'.

happyheart

by **Feather** Tue 14 Feb 2017, 15:55

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°64

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Tue 14 Feb 2017, 15:55

Daisy refused his request
For she thought that it would be best
To shun his advances
And so take no chances
For she hated his yellow string vest.

by **Stardust** Tue 14 Feb 2017, 17:05

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°65

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Tue 14 Feb 2017, 17:05

...

The sergeant then threw off his vest
and showed off his muscles and chest.
Daisy changed her mind fast,
she cried out "Yes!" at last
and they honeymooned in Budapest.

by **Feather** Tue 14 Feb 2017, 22:34

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°66

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Tue 14 Feb 2017, 22:34

The honeymoon-it was just great
Midsummer day was the date
They made love in the sun
Had all kinds of fun
Yet for bedtime they just could not wait!!

by **Stardust** Wed 15 Feb 2017, 07:26

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°67

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Wed 15 Feb 2017, 07:26

...

Then a Hungarian girl came between,
such a beauty there never was seen.
Stole the sergeant away
in much less than a day;
Daisy came back home angry and mean.

by **Feather** Thu 16 Feb 2017, 10:36

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°68

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Thu 16 Feb 2017, 10:36

She set about getting divorced
She knew that her hand had been forced
And plans she was cooking
She already was looking
for a second husband of course!!

by **Stardust** Thu 16 Feb 2017, 11:07

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°69

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Thu 16 Feb 2017, 11:07

...

But none of the lads found her favour,
for every one was "last month's flavour".
Daisy gave up on fun,
became instead a nun.
Now she's married to her church's saviour.

by **Stardust** Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:17

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°70

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:17

Little Lisa was stamping her feet
cos her Mum wouldn't give her a sweet,
so she climbed up on a chair
reached out for a jelly bear,
but got bruised when she fell off the seat.

by **Stardust** Wed 01 Mar 2017, 09:12

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°71

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Wed 01 Mar 2017, 09:12

A girl sat alone and forlorn,
in two her young heart had been torn.
But then a new neighbour
gave life back its savour,
and now their first son has been born.

by **Feather** Sun 05 Mar 2017, 22:12

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°72

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Sun 05 Mar 2017, 22:12

The baby was cute and so chubby
With a face matching that of her hubby
But into muck it would crawl
Then blubber and bawl
When it found itself smelly and grubby.

by **Stardust** Mon 06 Mar 2017, 08:19

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°73

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Mon 06 Mar 2017, 08:19

In Devon there lived an old toad
who found a frog hurt in the road.
He quickly helped up his friend
but a van came round the bend
and squashed them both under its load.

by **Stardust** Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:52

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°74

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:52

In London John went out to dine,
drank much of the very best wine,
but way over the top,
he knew not when to stop
and fell "Splash!" into the Serpentine.

by **Feather** Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:56

Feather

Feather: Location : Scotland

Post n°75

Re: Limericks

Post by Feather Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:56

The stallion was not very tame
He did not respond to his name
No-one could ride him
Saddle or guide him
If they tried, they ended uo lame.

by **Stardust** Sat 11 Mar 2017, 08:17

Stardust

Stardust: Location : City of Light

Post n°76

Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust Sat 11 Mar 2017, 08:17

Two puppies, by name Flip and Flop,
were passing outside a toy shop;
saw a "ball" big and bright,
but then scampered in fright,
when the balloon burst with a loud "Pop!".

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