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Limericks

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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 10:39

With a stray dog or cat, we can't tell,
but can guess they were not treated well.
If they're patiently wooed
with soft words, daily food,
they'll adopt you and forget their hell.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 14:20

The cottage was ever so nice
So she bought it at a good price
But lived to regret it
Would never forget it
As it was infested with mice.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 15:04

A baby boy teething all night,
gave his parents a terrible fright.
For when two teeth peeked out,
Mum and Dad gave a shout,
little Dracula was quite a sight.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 16:39

My dog--she has just been fed
Please notice what I have just said
I'm having my tea
But she's staring at me
And refusing to go to her bed.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 18:19

giggle

An elegant lady from France,
no man could pass without a glance.
Her heels and head high,
proud as she swept by,
till she tripped up and ruined the dance.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 21:45

She tottered away in the huff
All feathers and flounces and fluff
She undressed at speed
Down to the last bead
And cried for an hour in the buff.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 22:01

...
But Parisian bred from her birth,
stopped her tears, because she knew her worth.
Returned to the ball
and amazed them all,
thus making them swallow their mirth.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Sun 08 Jan 2017, 15:30

Margaret, a lady from Leeds,
Was known for her daring deeds
A pumpkin she ate
And caused her own fate
By choking to death on the seeds.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Sun 08 Jan 2017, 15:56

Feather wrote:Margaret, a lady from Leeds,
Was known for her daring deeds
A pumpkin she ate
And caused her own fate
By choking to death on the seeds.

But Heimlich was there, Maggie spat
out pumpkin seeds onto the mat,
so she regained her life,
and became Heimlich's wife.
Now she puts all the seeds in a hat.




Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Mon 09 Jan 2017, 16:21

On an oil rig late last night
Ted was stationed in bright moonlight
But a nut had worked free
Half way down to the sea
And Ted had to screw it in tight
He was lowered right down to the spot
Now,safe he surely was not
For the rope was too thin
So he couldn't begin
To do the work that he ought.
He jiggled and twisted and swayed
Till the rope it loosened and frayed
Poor Ted hit the sea
Shouting "God,save me!"
But nobody noticed he'd prayed.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Mon 09 Jan 2017, 21:06

Feather wrote:On an oil rig late last night
Ted was stationed in bright moonlight
But a nut had worked free
Half way down to the sea
And Ted had to screw it in tight
He was lowered right down to the spot
Now,safe he surely was not
For the rope was too thin
So he couldn't begin
To do the work that he ought.
He jiggled and twisted and swayed
Till the rope it loosened and frayed
Poor Ted hit the sea
Shouting "God,save me!"
But nobody noticed he'd prayed.

Though Ted's shouting fell on deaf ears,
with drowning the worst of his fears,
came into his sight
dolphins in the night
who saved him. He lived on for years.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Mon 09 Jan 2017, 21:35

I knew you would save him, Stardust.

Mike was messing around with some ink
Some of it blue, and some pink
He wanted to do
A temporary tattoo
For when he went out for a drink.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Tue 10 Jan 2017, 09:22

Feather wrote:I knew you would save him, Stardust.

Mike was messing around with some ink
Some of it blue, and some pink
He wanted to do
A temporary tattoo
For when he went out for a drink.

But Mike was allergic and so
he came out in spots, don't you know.
Some pink and some blue,
his face swelled up too.
Had to give up the pub, to his woe.




Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Thu 12 Jan 2017, 23:01

The woman just wouldn't give in
She kept on drinking that gin
Till the bottle was done
But the battle she won
For she found a drop more in a tin
She thought she had had that already
When last night she'd had a quick bevvy
But to her delight
There was some for tonight
Now for her warm bed she was ready.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 13 Jan 2017, 08:41

A sprightly girl hailing from Wales
was battling her way through the sales.
She ne'er took a rest,

shoes, clothes, found the best,
but none the right size - how she wails!



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Fri 13 Jan 2017, 16:50

Dan was feeling poorly and sick
Got a visit from his old pal, Mick
Who gave him some pills
Which got rid of his chills
So now he's in super fine nick.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 13 Jan 2017, 18:04

An arrogant man, name of Tony,
could speak nothing but pure baloney.
Along came a copper
armed with a gob stopper
and shut up the big-mouthed old phoney.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Fri 13 Jan 2017, 22:31

In the garden Mary just dug
Hoping to find the old jug
Thrown out by mistake
At her uncle's wake
But all she unearthed was a slug.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Sat 14 Jan 2017, 08:20

One day Charlie got lost in the fog;
he roamed off the path into a bog.
He was starting to sink
when a bark made him blink,
he was saved by a walker with dog.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Sat 14 Jan 2017, 09:45

When he was giving his very last "Glug"
The Alsatian gave him a tug
Pulled him free of the mire
And soon by the fire
He gave the good dog a huge hug.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Sat 14 Jan 2017, 18:46

A ruined old man from the glen,
in the mountains fixed up a den,
ran his own B&B,
served up coffee and tea,
now he holds his head high among men.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Sat 14 Jan 2017, 22:09

Dennis just could not be fatter
He thought that it didn't matter
But one night at a gig
They were playing a jig
When he burst through the drums with a clatter.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Sun 15 Jan 2017, 08:27

Feather wrote:Dennis just could not be fatter
He thought that it didn't matter
But one night at a gig
They were playing a jig
When he burst through the drums with a clatter.

The drummer was angry and red,
I couldn't repeat what he said!
Because Dennis stuck fast
as his bum was so vast,
had to "wear" the drum even in bed.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Sun 15 Jan 2017, 17:21

Stardust wrote:
Feather wrote:Dennis just could not be fatter
He thought that it didn't matter
But one night at a gig
They were playing a jig
When he burst through the drums with a clatter.

The drummer was angry and red,
I couldn't repeat what he said!
Because Dennis stuck fast
as his bum was so vast,
had to "wear" the drum even in bed.

The drum made him keep rolling out
and Dennis was starting to pout,
so firemen cut him free,
Dennis shouted with glee
and vowed he'd lose weight, without doubt.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Sun 15 Jan 2017, 21:54

He decided he'd go on a fast
Thinking that it wouldn't last
But after a week
He started to reek
For his innards were so full of gas!!



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Mon 16 Jan 2017, 11:25

...continued...

The Doctor said: "Take charcoal pills,
and exercise, walking the hills,
you'll soon be in the pink
and no longer will stink.
Now pay me these two hefty bills'.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.

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