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Limericks

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Stardust
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Limericks

Post by Stardust on Tue 03 Jan 2017, 13:02

Starting a new Limerick thread since all the previous ones on various forums seem to have disappeared into the internet archives.

These are not perfect but we do our best, so I'll start the ball rolling.

- - - - - - - - -

 
There was a young lady from Brent

who all of her savings had spent

on outings and booze

and games bound to loose

now the silly girl can’t pay her rent.

 
- - - - - - - - -

Miss Gwendoline sat in her bower

Until it was half past the hour

She smoked thin Russian cigs

Which caught fire like twigs

She was saved by a lucky rain shower.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Tue 03 Jan 2017, 14:47

Frankie was after some fun
Down the slippery path he did run
But his feet let him down
And he felt like a clown
When he touched down on ice with his bum.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Tue 03 Jan 2017, 15:28

An old gentleman, name of Joe
with painful gout in his big toe
was prouncing around
and fell on the ground
lost his toe, but the gout's gone you know.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Tue 03 Jan 2017, 16:00

She was carrying a tray from the room
With no feeling of impending doom
But with the dog in the way
She started to sway
And was flat on the floor pretty soon.

This was how I cracked my ankle bone last year.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Tue 03 Jan 2017, 16:10

Oh, Feather, that must have been painful for you and Chica. Ouch!

A builder who ran out of bricks
constructed a house with just sticks
then glued them together
to withstand the weather
but it's just fit for hens and their chicks.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Tue 03 Jan 2017, 22:01

Dot loved reading mystery tales
Full of thunder and lightning and gales
Till one that she read
Sent her right off her head
Now she's constantly way off the rails.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 06:54

A singer who drank too much wine
and got lyrics wrong all the time,
was whistled and booed,
hissed, jostled and shooed,
cos he never remembered a line.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 09:41

An astronaut known as Fred
Wanted to gain space cred
So he took a short trip
Outside the spaceship
Now he's hanging to life by a thread.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 09:47

cheesy 

A silly young man from New York
unhappily sat on a fork,
he jumped up with a start,
his bum really did smart,
that silly young man from New York.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 09:56

When motoring slowly through France
A beautiful lady called Blanche
Saw a handsome young man
In a bright yellow van
And thought--yes, I would take a chance.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 10:06

When Penny adopted a dog,
from her pond he swallowed a frog.
So instead of a bark,
all the neighbours would hark
a strange croaking like fiends in a bog.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 12:48

When shopping one day in a store
Bob knew that he couldn't spend more
So he nicked a blue tie
And, holding it high,
He made a quick break for the door.
A security guard was nearby
And, giving chase, he did fly
After the thief
And to his relief,
Nabbed the culprit and the blue tie.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 13:20

A handsome young prince from the North
fell off the bridge into the Forth.
He gave out a loud yell,
then he swam, swam like hell,
but he's there still, afloat in the Forth.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 14:12

A cruiser approached him in time
He was yanked up on board on a line
Fell asleep for some hours
Through sunshine and showers
Now he's in Amsterdam and feels fine.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 14:48

A beautiful princess from Rye
could never stop eating plum pie.

She ate morning, noon, night,

swallowed bite after bite,
till she weighed twenty tons bye and bye.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 16:49

The contortionist puts on a show
Better than even he knows
For during his act
He falls on his back
With his private parts wrapped round his nose.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Wed 04 Jan 2017, 18:45

Oh dear, how embarassing for him. Embarassed facepalm 

A carrier pigeon from Rome
got lost and could not get back home,
so he settled instead
where he found a spare bed,
in a coop by the Rhine in Cologne.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Thu 05 Jan 2017, 10:17

Tom's situation was grim
He felt totally out on a limb
He was so bereft
His sweetheart had left
So he purchased a puppy called Tim.
Now Tim was a wonderful gift
Giving Tom an emotional lift
They were always together
Whatever the weather
And soon Tom was no longer miffed.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Thu 05 Jan 2017, 10:53

There was a bored lad name of Buster,
too lazy and never could muster
the energy needed to move
and not to get stuck in a groove,
till the flies were beginning to cluster.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Thu 05 Jan 2017, 13:57

They flew and they buzzed round his head
When he ran or just lay in his bed
Till one day 'twas found
As he lay on the ground
That he wasn't asleep; he was dead!!



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Thu 05 Jan 2017, 18:40

surprised

A witch living inside a wood
was shunned and was not understood,
till she saved a lose child
from the savage and wild.
So now everyone knows that she's good.




Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Thu 05 Jan 2017, 21:52

The Headmaster was in a tizz
Then thought of an end of term quiz
With girls versus boys
And prizes of toys
And for him a glass of bucksfizz.(Sp?)



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 05:45

A stray dog who stopped at my door,
came in and lay down on the floor.
I had not the heart
to say we must part,
so he's here to stay forevermore.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.
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Feather
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Re: Limericks

Post by Feather on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 09:21

I feed a nice cat--she's a stray
I have done for many a day
But I still can't pet her
To make her feel better
If I try, she just runs away.
Over time she's got a bit tamer
I've often thought I could name her
But what'd be the use
With this wary puss
She wouldn't respond--can't blame her.



I'D RATHER PURR THAN HISS!  
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Stardust
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Re: Limericks

Post by Stardust on Fri 06 Jan 2017, 10:39

With a stray dog or cat, we can't tell,
but can guess they were not treated well.
If they're patiently wooed
with soft words, daily food,
they'll adopt you and forget their hell.



Be grateful for even the smallest thing, blessings come in many disguises.

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