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» Silly Endings.
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» Keep a Word - Delete a Word
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» Jellyfish swarm turns sea pink
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» Backpacker hospitalized with sepsis after mosquito bite coma
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» Antwerp Railway Station.
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» Garden Gossip
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» The power of the tweet !
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» Stardust on the Moon
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» Feather by the sea.
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» Oh, well done! - crafty little crayfish
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» Notification of new PMs (private messages) [solved]
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» Costco is where the talent is
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» What is GDPR ?
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» The cartoon thread.
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» Goodbye Depo Provera
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» The Greatest Showman
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» Ashya: The Untold Story
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» Raincheck! Sorry, I'm doing my nails ...
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» "Moonlight Sonata" - A Morning in May
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» Red tide: Electric blue waves wash California shore
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» Rolling stock that just ... doesn't
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» Like cake?
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» Shoulda known it was too good to be true ...
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» The Irish Thread
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» MPs call for ESA death statistics to be published (Calum's List)
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» 'Messy' mum barred from pub
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» Endowarriror os now OreoCat85
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» View all new posts since last visit - at a glance
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» Ronnie Corbett in an opera spoof?
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» Henry and Baloo leave their pawprints in our hearts
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» Orkney: When the Boat Comes In
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» The Worst Construction Mistakes Ever
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» Nature
by Whiskers 4th April 2018, 12:00

» Wildlife - death of Sudan, last male White Northern Rhino
by Stardust 4th April 2018, 09:36

» Stephen Hawking's warnings: What he predicted for the future
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» Facebook links
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» A Granma's Anagrams
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» Is Peer Review all it's cracked up to be?
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» Guess the word
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» Question for Forum Bloggers (Poll)
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» Blogthings: The Labyrinth Test
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» Cannes Film Festival 2018 - Red Carpet selfies banned
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» True hero: Lt Col Arnaud Beltrame
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» Books
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» Cosmic beauty
by Stardust 23rd March 2018, 11:26

» Blogthings: The Easter egg personality test.
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» Blogthings: What part of Spring are you?
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» So you think you know cats... read on
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» Freecycle.org
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» Blogthings: what forest animal are you?
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» Bureaucats: Whiskers in the Workplace
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» Wildlife - lions eat the poacher
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» Wildlife - San Francisco to ban sale of fur
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» Your man with the glasses ...
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» Message in a bottle
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» [solved] Yahoo Mail down - again!
by Kitkat 9th March 2018, 23:00

» Concerns with Wikipedia (and "filter bubbles") - Guerrilla Skeptics at Large
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» Wonderful images - fabulous music
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» The Beast from the East
by Kitkat 1st March 2018, 14:01

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» Daughter fundraising to save her terminally ill mother
by Jamboree 18th February 2018, 11:53

» Kitkat's KK Blog
by Kitkat 15th February 2018, 21:36

» A Day in The Life of a Dictator - Documentary
by Jamboree 12th February 2018, 07:21

» A coconut in a coffin?
by Whiskers 9th February 2018, 20:35

» Limericks
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» Is there a Cathy in the place?
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» Chinese New Year
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» What's your emergency?
by Whiskers 27th January 2018, 13:09

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by Whiskers 22nd January 2018, 20:17

» Three-month-old baby says "hello"
by Kitkat 13th January 2018, 15:00

» 60 Christmas traditions around the world
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by Kitkat 26th December 2017, 16:27

» A new(ish) song for Christmas.
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» The Christmas Thread
by Kitkat 20th December 2017, 21:22

» A reader's response to your article on food waste
by Whiskers 18th December 2017, 14:35

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» The life and achievements of Dr Elsie Inglis
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Some news stories do raise a chuckle

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Kitkat
Admin Kat
Admin Kat

Posts : 3575
Likes received : 34
Join date : 2011-03-19
Location : Around the bend

Some news stories do raise a chuckle

Post by Kitkat on 4th April 2014, 12:49

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)

3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".  (The Times)

5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.  (Aberdeen Evening Express)

6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'" (Bournemouth Evening Echo)


A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

2) "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

3) "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

4) "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'."

5) "We are now travelling through Baker Street... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".

6) "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

    Current date/time is 21st July 2018, 04:36