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Latest topics

» Keep a Word - Delete a Word
by Jamboree Today at 03:33

» Guess the word
by Jamboree Today at 03:31

» Simon's Cat
by Kitkat Sun 10 Dec 2017, 18:17

» Kitkat's KK Blog
by Whiskers Wed 06 Dec 2017, 19:27

» Downward Dog
by Kitkat Mon 04 Dec 2017, 21:35

» A very young Bee Gees treat
by Whiskers Wed 29 Nov 2017, 16:35

» Prime cheek!
by Kitkat Tue 28 Nov 2017, 09:32

» The life and achievements of Dr Elsie Inglis
by Kitkat Sun 26 Nov 2017, 09:14

» Limericks
by Whiskers Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:57

» Hidden disabilities: Pain beneath the surface
by Kitkat Tue 21 Nov 2017, 21:20

» Scary photos
by Kitkat Sun 19 Nov 2017, 12:50

» The 7-year-old neuroscientist wowing the internet
by Kitkat Thu 16 Nov 2017, 10:03

» The cat killer stalking suburbia
by Whiskers Mon 06 Nov 2017, 15:53

» Poetry from the heart.
by Feather Tue 31 Oct 2017, 17:06

» A reader's response to your article on food waste
by Guest Tue 31 Oct 2017, 10:24

» It's that time again .....
by Kitkat Sun 29 Oct 2017, 00:21

» Merry Christmas
by Whiskers Sat 28 Oct 2017, 10:11

» Happy Halloween!
by Stardust Wed 25 Oct 2017, 08:37

» Love makes the world go round
by Stardust Wed 25 Oct 2017, 08:00

» Need help with homework (Hall Effect)
by Kitkat Tue 24 Oct 2017, 12:18

» Well hello there!
by Whiskers Mon 23 Oct 2017, 23:53

» Madeleine McCann investigation continues ...
by Whiskers Mon 23 Oct 2017, 23:43

» Famous Youtubers... Do you watch them? Do you dislike them?
by Jamboree Mon 23 Oct 2017, 00:44

» Delicious and nutritious
by Stardust Fri 20 Oct 2017, 16:02

» Stardust on the Moon
by Stardust Fri 20 Oct 2017, 15:15

» Control your television with any object
by loner55 Mon 16 Oct 2017, 10:32

» Books
by loner55 Mon 16 Oct 2017, 10:30

» Fahrenheit 451
by loner55 Mon 16 Oct 2017, 10:26

» The cartoon thread.
by Kitkat Sun 15 Oct 2017, 20:26

» HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Feather!
by Jamboree Sun 15 Oct 2017, 17:43

» A walk through Dominica, hours after Hurricane Maria
by Kitkat Sun 15 Oct 2017, 12:48

» SKEPS Forum
by Kitkat Sun 08 Oct 2017, 22:00

» Quotes about Lifestye
by Whiskers Sat 07 Oct 2017, 15:25

» MPs call for ESA death statistics to be published (Calum's List)
by Kitkat Sat 30 Sep 2017, 18:23

» Songs from the heart
by Stardust Wed 20 Sep 2017, 20:55

» Bodies of 'hundreds' of children buried in mass grave
by mac Tue 19 Sep 2017, 12:25

» Psychics didn't foresee THAT coming!
by mac Sat 16 Sep 2017, 15:14

» Number 7777
by Kitkat Thu 14 Sep 2017, 14:10

» 'Messy' mum barred from pub
by Stardust Mon 11 Sep 2017, 16:17

» Feather by the sea.
by Stardust Mon 11 Sep 2017, 16:09

» [solved] Multiquote ?
by Whiskers Mon 11 Sep 2017, 11:13

» Cosmic beauty
by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 21:29

» Why men are happier people???
by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 20:10

» A Granma's Anagrams
by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 19:49

» Silly Endings.
by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 19:45

» Pink rainbow
by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 15:46

» Barking mad!
by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 15:44

» Invasion of the sex-craved spiders! EEK!
by Stardust Fri 08 Sep 2017, 15:38

» Surviving in Libya
by Kitkat Thu 07 Sep 2017, 22:52

» The Forum Café
by Kitkat Thu 07 Sep 2017, 14:53

» Hurricane Irma
by Kitkat Thu 07 Sep 2017, 12:22

» Struggling To Login
by Kitkat Wed 06 Sep 2017, 17:41

» Kitchen bat chase video goes viral
by Kitkat Wed 06 Sep 2017, 17:21

» 10 things we didn't know last week ...
by Whiskers Mon 04 Sep 2017, 14:31

» End of Summer Drinks
by EndoWarriror Fri 01 Sep 2017, 13:53

» Bruce Forsyth dies aged 89
by EndoWarriror Fri 01 Sep 2017, 13:34

» Notifications re new topics & posts on the forum
by Kitkat Fri 01 Sep 2017, 13:23

» New forum design
by Jamboree Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:03

» Photobucket
by Jamboree Thu 10 Aug 2017, 02:36

» Hi from Brin
by Whiskers Sun 06 Aug 2017, 12:14

» Delusions
by Kitkat Sun 30 Jul 2017, 12:19

» BABY PLEASE DON'T GO ...
by Jamboree Tue 25 Jul 2017, 16:03

» Wonderful images - fabulous music.
by bimbow Fri 21 Jul 2017, 22:21

» Photobucket no longer free ...
by Kitkat Sat 08 Jul 2017, 11:05

» Problems logging in from your mobile, iPad or tablet?
by Kitkat Wed 05 Jul 2017, 13:05

» Protest March through London
by Kitkat Sat 01 Jul 2017, 17:41

» Our NHS
by Whiskers Thu 29 Jun 2017, 16:49

» [solved] Forum showing me as online -- but I am not!
by Kitkat Sun 25 Jun 2017, 10:41

» Day of Rage in London
by Kitkat Wed 21 Jun 2017, 16:56

» NHS European Health Insurance Card
by Kitkat Tue 20 Jun 2017, 21:26

» Postcards from the Shoutbox
by Whiskers Tue 20 Jun 2017, 13:08

» Shout Box (SL and LAL)
by Kitkat Mon 19 Jun 2017, 22:29

» A day out at the polling station
by Stardust Fri 09 Jun 2017, 14:48

» Functions of the Blue Toolbar at top of the Forum
by Kitkat Mon 05 Jun 2017, 10:47

» Light After Life forum's new address
by Kitkat Thu 01 Jun 2017, 18:42

» Tick tock: The importance of knowing the right time
by Whiskers Thu 01 Jun 2017, 11:23

» Derek Acorah to appear in Celebrity Big Brother 2017 ?
by Kitkat Wed 24 May 2017, 22:38

» Publications
by Kitkat Mon 22 May 2017, 00:46

» The world's longest cat?
by Whiskers Fri 19 May 2017, 09:22

» Nigeria
by Kitkat Fri 19 May 2017, 08:54

» Redwater
by Kitkat Thu 18 May 2017, 17:28

» Maggie's Cancer Care Centres
by Kitkat Wed 17 May 2017, 18:07

» I'm being chased by an otter!
by Kitkat Tue 16 May 2017, 13:07

» Eurovision Song Contest 2017
by Kitkat Tue 16 May 2017, 11:49

» This day in history
by Whiskers Fri 05 May 2017, 16:35

» Man rescues cat from London Docks
by Whiskers Tue 02 May 2017, 11:29

» For all you Elvis lovers
by Whiskers Tue 02 May 2017, 11:23

» The Cat's Pyjamas
by Kitkat Sun 30 Apr 2017, 10:08

» [solved] Problems with FreeForums - AGAIN!
by Kitkat Fri 21 Apr 2017, 23:49

» Nature's Weirdest Events (QUIZ)
by Kitkat Thu 20 Apr 2017, 11:48

» All That We Share
by Jamboree Sat 15 Apr 2017, 20:22

» My niece & namesake - up & coming singer/songwriter
by Jamboree Sat 15 Apr 2017, 20:15

» Strange and amazing places
by Whiskers Fri 14 Apr 2017, 13:54

» Lucky Joe!
by Kitkat Fri 07 Apr 2017, 16:43

» Rules of memory 'beautifully' rewritten
by Kitkat Fri 07 Apr 2017, 11:54

» What one word describes you? (Quiz)
by Whiskers Tue 04 Apr 2017, 22:40

» April Fools
by Kitkat Sat 01 Apr 2017, 22:44

» Happy St Patricks Day
by Jamboree Sat 01 Apr 2017, 00:10

» Terror Attack in London, UK
by Kitkat Tue 28 Mar 2017, 22:28

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Some news stories do raise a chuckle

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Kitkat
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Posts : 3318
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Join date : 2011-03-19
Location : Around the bend
Star sign : Sagittarius
Chinese zodiac : Rat

Some news stories do raise a chuckle

Post by Kitkat on Fri 04 Apr 2014, 12:49

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)

3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".  (The Times)

5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.  (Aberdeen Evening Express)

6) Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'" (Bournemouth Evening Echo)


A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

2) "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

3) "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

4) "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'."

5) "We are now travelling through Baker Street... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".

6) "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

    Current date/time is Thu 14 Dec 2017, 21:00